wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
