i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
