In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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