She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
