you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
