Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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