I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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