wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
false alarm, still single
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
