Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
