She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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