all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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