so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
