I hate all girls vehemently.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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