Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize