I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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