ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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