Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
