If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
