ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize