onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
