I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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