That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
