how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i think my cat just said my name.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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