pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
