I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
