your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
