This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So squirting runs in the family.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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