My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
