its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
