Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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