Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
