woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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