you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
