What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
