I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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