i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
