I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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