4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
