I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
