The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
