remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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