What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize