She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize