And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pants are for mortals
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
