this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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