I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
