Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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