She told me I should be a condom model.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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