All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
