you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
