apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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