a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize