Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize