If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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