I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
