dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
