I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
