be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
