dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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