somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
