omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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