I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
