I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
