i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
