Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
