he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
