She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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