Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
