Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
