I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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