I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
