I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
