Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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