I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
