is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
